My writing goal this term was to linking ideas between sentences and paragraphs
I have organised and sequenced my ideas into paragraphs for purpose and effect.
TASK: craft a free-choice piece of writing that shows how I am developing my goal
This is my first draft:
This is my edited piece:
Today was my first day at Koopsy Intermediate school. It wasn't long till I noticed that if you unscramble Koopsy, it spells spooky. As I walked through the pale white path of the school it felt comforting. The school had lots of murals and colourful signs. The rest was covered in a blanket of white. We took Mac to his new class and his teacher seemed really nice. After that, mum and I had a conversation.
"Jaimey! Do you remember what class you're in?"
"Yes mum, room 16!"
"Well you have a good memory."
"Actually mum, my memory is too good. I remember things, I want to forget." I said softly...
How has your writing has improved this term?
My writing has improved because more people want to read the whole story and it is beginning to go smoothly.
The part of my story I am most proud of is…
The part I am most proud of is the part where Jaimey describes the different features of the house because that makes a picture in the readers head.
Next time, what is a goal you can work towards?
Trying to link two paragraphs because when I link the two paragraphs it didn't really connect.
Well done Aye I really got hooked into the story at the start. I also love how you have Red Rum street and Koopsy intermediate school. Maybe next time you can add some more paragraphs.