Thursday, 19 June 2014

Writing Sample

WALT: inform

DESCRIPTION: Write an explanation about something you have learned about energy.
For our writing sample we have been writing about energy. I have written about potential and kinetic energy.
What? We are publishing a piece of writing.
Why?, To share on our blog and during our Student Led Conference.
When? Week 6
Who? The World

Here is my writing.

What is potential energy? Imagine you were on the biggest roller coaster ride of your life. You are ready to zoom from the top of a big slope. Are you showing potential or kinetic energy?.

Potential energy is stored energy.  For example, when you put a ball on top of a hill it is ready to move down but it doesn't yet. The energy is stored with nothing to give it the ability to move so it doesn't push the ball to move forward. If the ground was rumbling it gives enough energy to push the ball so it rolls down the hill as kinetic energy. If you didn't get that here is another example. If a cart is on top of a roller coaster it is ready to move. The cart's energy is kept in so it is ready to burst out and make it move.
When something makes enough energy to make the cart go down, it will make it go down.
Any object that is ready to move but not enough energy to move is potential energy.
Now let's talk about kinetic energy.

Now what is kinetic energy? Is it when your are zooming down the big slope? Is it the opposite of potential energy?. Kinetic energy is moving energy.
For example, when a tissue roll is on an edge of a table, the tissue roll rolls off the table showing kinetic energy. It is showing kinetic energy because when the tissue roll falls of the table it is moving so it is kinetic energy. Here is another example. When a bowling ball is ready to roll and hit the pins it is potential energy. When you release the bowling ball from your hand with lots of energy, it is kinetic energy. That is how kinetic energy works.
Now we know how both kinetic and potential energy is. Potential is stored  and kinetic is moving energy.

state the main point in the first part of a each new paragraph 

You have started  to use main points at the start of each body paragraph. 
include evidence (facts, experiments etc) to support my main point

I really like your examples and how you have given more than one.
explain the evidence and how it proves my main point

You have persevered to explain how/why your example proves your point - this is really tricky, well done.
Practise writing a linking sentence to my next paragraph

Your ideas link in your paragraphs. Your paragraphs flow and you have tried to link them. Well done.
infuse style: topic-specifc vocab, second/third person, present tense, transition words

Writing assessment:

Great style. You have used some transition words.

1 comment:

  1. This is a great writing sample with good examples and clear explanation. Good job Aye.