Monday, 24 March 2014

Published product

WALT: publish
Today we got to make the finished product. This is my finished writing about caving.

As I tipped toed through the dark hollow entrance I wanted to back away. It was the entrance way to go caving. I turned on my headlight and clenched my torch in my crying palms. As I crept past the
crayfish in the swaying water puddles, I could hear the darkness laugh at me. Not the laugh when you see something funny, the kind of evil laugh in the movies. I walked slowly squeezing through the tight spaces in the dark damp cave. Then CREEK... I heard a creek. I didn't move. I was as frozen as a tv on pause. I realised it was just the sounds of nature trying to frighten me.

Suddenly all the torches went out. I might have to follow along. All was dark. Then I saw light. The light of glowworms! I see the beauty rule me. It was like millions of stars invaided the cave. It was amazing. I could not wait to tell my mum and dad about this.

The glowworms made me feel braver. Then I heard we had to crawl under. We had to crawl quite low. As low as you can crawl! The ceiling lowerd down and it was difficult. The rocks below me were wet so my hands got soaked. I was also wearing track pants so they got wet too. Just as I thought that I could get up the ceiling hit my back. When we got out of the low ceiling my legs were jelly.

Then I saw the light overwhelm me. It was the exit. I could hear the sun congratulate me. Then we got to choose if we wanted to go through the damp hollow mess again. I wanted to give it a go.

Once again I crept in the damp cave. This time I opened my eyes wider and saw the beauty of the dark world inside. I felt braver and confident. My eyes got dragged on the crayfish in the puddles. I got so distracted by them that I fell in one of the deep puddles. I heard my foot crying as it soaked right in.

We carried on and this time we noticed stalagmites and stalactites. The stalagmites and stalactites
were small like ants. Then we saw the glowworms once again. They were as beautiful as ever. Now we noticed lots of things about caving. I wished that we could go again.


  1. This is a polished one. Keep on writing Aye, it is fantastic.

  2. I love your text selection Aye. Cleched, Invaded, tiptoed all add to clarity and detail I get when I read your story. Your use of similes and metaphors also add to the interest as I read about your experiences. Well done on a superb piece of writing.


  3. I agree with James Aye. I love your use of words. I especially like how you used short sentences to add emphasis and suspense like this 'Then I heard we had to crawl under. We had to crawl quite low. As low as you can crawl!'. Great job!